The Obese Loveblock
Some people have a knack for finding strange things. Strange things always seem to find Zane Legends. Interestingly, his day so far had been rather normal, except for that incident right after lunch. But other than that, it was a normal day, which was in itself strange. Of course, just because a day starts out normal, it doesn’t mean it has to continue that way, especially for Zane.
Zane stood in the elevator of an underground train terminal. In the elevator was him were a mother with twin babies in a stroller. She was doing all she could to calm them, but they were still crying at the top of their lungs. Most people took the escalators down to the boarding level, but Zane preferred the elevator, screaming babies included. Stairs that moved were even worse than stairs that stood still, and Zane was not going to risk any injuries.
The elevator doors slid open and Zane stepped onto the boarding platform, where he saw the long, green and blue train that would take him across the country in just a few hours. He preferred these high-velocity underground trains over travelling by air, mostly because of the food they served. Zane was not a fan of the less than satisfactory snacks the airlines provided, and the underground trains included full meals in the ticket price. It was definitely worth it in Zane’s opinion.
He gave his ticket to the attendee and boarded the plane. He quickly found his seat, and discovered it was a window seat. Having a window seat on an underground train wasn’t quite the same as a window seat on an airplane; in fact, the windows were simply images of outdoor landscapes. Zane didn’t mind though; he sat down, stowed his belongings under the seat, and pulled out the menu from the pocket of the seat in front of him. The Meal of the Day immediately caught his eye – a double cheeseburger, made with real hamburger (a rarity, animal activists had all but removed real hamburgers from restaurant menus). He was halfway through reading the juicy description when he noticed a rather beautiful woman walking down the aisle, and bless his grandmother’s homemade sausages, she was assigned a seat in the same row. She sat down and immediately a lovely flowery scent hit him. She gave him a quick glance and a smile then began to rummage through her purse.
There was a seat between them, but Zane rather thought that he might somehow end up in that seat once the train began to move. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, an ugly obese man sat between them, completely blocking Zane’s view. Zane had been so entranced by the woman’s beauty he had failed to notice this man approach. He was now regretting his decision to wait until the train began to move to switch seats, he should have acted sooner.
The man gave off the unpleasant smell of cigarette smoke, which unfortunately completely masked the wonderful scent he had enjoyed just moments before. The man turned to him and asked, “Hey, mister, can I borrow that menu?” The man’s breath smelled of alcohol, and his speech hinted at drunkenness. Zane had already decided on the special, so he gave him the menu.
He let a few moments pass in silence, then asked, “You don’t happen to want the window seat, do you? I personally don’t really like sitting by the window all that much.”
“Ah no, mister, no. Did ya know that these trains go hundreds of miles an hour? Seein’ stuff pass by the window that fas’ would make me sick up.”
“Oh, yeah, that certainly makes sense,” Zane muttered to himself. “Those painted trees might make me sick, too.” He thought he heard a soft giggle from the other side of the man. He couldn’t be sure, but it made him happier anyway.
After a few minutes the train left the station and quickly accelerated. When it reached a constant speed, a lady began to walk down the aisle, asking for the people’s orders. When she reached their aisle, Zane was pleasantly surprised to hear the girl order the Meal of the Day. He wondered if it might be a match made in heaven. Zane ordered the same. The obese man simply asked for a bottle of Bud Light. Zane wondered why he ordered the light version, considering the man’s size, but refrained from asking.
He was not about to let this ugly fat man keep him from flirting with the girl on the other side, so he pulled out a small notepad and quickly scribbled a short message.
Hey sweet thing, what’s your name?
He reached around behind the man, tapped the girl on the shoulder, gave her the notepad, and waited for a response. In no time at all, he felt something hit his foot, and looking down, saw his notepad lying there on the floor.
Not much, but a response nonetheless. He wrote another question.
Where are you headed?
The response soon came. Washington. What about you?
Zane wasn’t headed for Washington, but he thought he might make a slight detour. He was just visiting family anyway, they could wait if necessary.
I’m going to Washington too! I notice you have a good taste in food. Wanna catch dinner when we get there? And maybe a movie afterwards or something?
Before he could hand off the notepad his meal arrived. Food took precedence over flirting, so he set the notebook aside and began to eat. He watched incredulously as the man next to him guzzled down the beer in a few minutes and asked the stewardess for another. And he guzzled down that one, too. After the third, the man began to mutter under his breath, and after the fourth, he began to sing the lyrics to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun while jiggling around in his seat.
Zane finished his meal and suddenly remembered that he had not yet passed his note to the girl. Unfortunately, the obese man noticed him and said, “Hey, what’s this?” He pulled the notepad out of his hands and read the note loud enough for the whole train car to hear, and with a horribly slurred voice.
Needless to say, Zane felt rather embarrassed, and figured he no longer had a chance with the girl. It was therefore surprising to feel something hit his foot again a few minutes later. He reached down to picked up his notebook and read what she had written.
I’d love to.
He didn’t think he’d have any chance, but luckily for him, strange things happen to him all the time.